24 LAWS OF GOLF:


LAW  1:

No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing  that a worst one is yet to come.  This law does not expire on the 18th  hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a  tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:

Your best  round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The  probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the  former.

LAW 3:

Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this  cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf  ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be  partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4:

Golf balls  never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a  law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5:

The higher a  golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an  instructor.

LAW 6:

A golfer hitting into your group will always be  bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into  will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer  and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 7:

All 3-woods  are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.

LAW  8:

Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly  out of bounds or into the water.  See LAW 3.

LAW 9:

The last  three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really  should be.

LAW 10:

Golf should be given up at least twice per  month.

LAW 11:

All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only  until the sunset.

LAW 12:

Since bad shots come in groups of three,  your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of  three.

LAW 13:

If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.

LAW  14:

It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

LAW  15:

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like  expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW  16:

Non-chalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17:

It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.

LAW 18:

The  shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line  that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 19:

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the  time.

LAW 20:

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must  subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental  equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 21:

If you want to hit a 7-iron as  far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water  hazard.

LAW 22:

There are two things you can learn by stopping your  backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you  have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 23:

A ball you can see  in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 24:

Don't buy a  putter until you've had a chance to throw it.